It's finished. It took nine months, 342 pages, 105,000 words, 42 chapters and a heck of a lot of effort, but Wolfbane is finally finished. And for some strange and crazy reason, I can't even feel happy.
Last night, after the last word had been typed, I just sat at my computer. I was dazed, I was startled and I could barely remember how I had gotten there. To that last word. To that last page. To Olly hitching the bow up his back and saying, "To echo your wise words of wisdom - let's do this." It was so sudden. I hadn't expected it to just stop. I thought there would be a build up, a climax. But there wasn't. There was only silence, broken by the sound of the dishwasher on downstairs.
I wandered around for about half and hour in a daze before remembering I was meant to be having a shower. I went in the shower and halfway through shampooing my hair, it hit me. I wouldn't be coming home, sitting at my computer and writing any more. Nine months of my life had just ended (ironic, considering the book is like my child). Lexie, Olly, Sam and Lewis would cease to exist, as would Xavier and The General. They would be dead. Gone. Kaput. I wouldn't be able to make Olly's heart race, or Lexie clench her fists, or Xavier say something hugely sarcastic and insulting. It was like a punch to the stomach. Needless to say, I started hyperventilating and choking back tears. I felt elated, joyous, but also crushed and deflated. I wanted to keep writing it. I needed to keep writing it. But I wouldn't be able to. It was finished.
That is why there are no emoticons or smileys or exclamation points in the title, or anywhere in this post. I'm not happy that I'm finished. I'm proud of myself, but I'm not happy. I'm sad. Lexie and Olly have become my friends; The General and Xavier my worst enemies.
But despite my semi-depression, I need to thank you. My readers, and you in particular. Without you I probably never would have written 'Lexie', and you wouldn't have said it was great and persuaded me to turn it into something bigger - much bigger. Without you, I probably would have stopped writing altogether. It was you that pulled me through. So thank you.
I would also like to send a big, massively huge shoutout to my best friend Rose, whom you may know as the writer-in-residence of Mad Roses and Oopsy Daises. If you haven't read her stuff, go do so. Now. The power of mind control compels you! Anyway, I met Rose at Pushkin (she won the comp, if you didn't know) and we clicked automatically. We spent the bus ride up asking each other questions and the bus ride down, five days later, singing MCR songs at the top of our lungs. She is my friend, comforter, supporter and mentor. She is also the biggest kick up the backside I will ever need, and I thank her for that. If she didn't exist, Wolfbane would have stopped at Chapter 7.
Thank you, to Rose and to my readers. Blogging will resume as normal on Monday with a new story for y'all to enjoy. Until then, have a good weekend.