Saturday, 25 June 2011

Willow Hall - Part 1 :O

Hi! Big news in the world of me - I got my hair highlighted! My normal, frizzy, dark brown hair now has gold streaks through it! I love it! I would put a pic up but I still haven't done my hair and I look terrible in photos :(
Anyway, this is a story that I wrote for Pushkin but my teacher turned it down :( She said it didn't make any sense!! My reply was "Why does it need to make sense?" Needless to say, that didn't go down very well :P It's meant to be a scary story but, like all my other "scary" stories (Lucy, The Circus..) is isn't very scary :) I haven't looked at it since Pushkin so it's probs got some grammatical - I love that word - errors and not good writing etc. in it. It's not the best I've written.....
 Anyway, I hope you enjoy it!

Willow Hall

It was winter when Lauren arrived at Willow Hall. It was snowing and tiny flakes were settling on her parka, making her shiver. The wind was howling and the sky was grey and dark. The grand house itself was dark and cold-looking, its large, dirty windows shaking and rattling in the wind. The door was brown with large cuts and cracks in it. The paint was peeling away from the windowsills and parts of the red brick were black with mould and dirt. “Well, come on dear,” she heard her care-worker say behind her. She felt a hand grasp her shoulder. Lauren gulped at the thought of entering the old house. She wished she was back with her mum and dad. She didn’t want to go a Children’s Home, especially not one like Willow Hall. But she couldn’t go back home, and deep down she knew that. Her parents had died in a car crash several days before. She was at home when it happened and she remembered how scared she had been when Social Services came knocking at the door. She started crying at the thought of it, her tears cascading down from her eyes. “Come dear, crying isn’t going to make things better, is it? You’re 12, too old to cry anyway. Dry your tears and we’ll go inside together.” The care-worker began drying her eyes, but Lauren swiped her hand away and started walking towards the door.
The door slowly creaked open when Lauren pushed it. She stepped carefully inside and took off her parka. Her brown hair was covered in snow and her fingers were frozen. She blew hot air onto her hands and stepped further inside. “Hello?” she shouted. “Anybody home?” The house seemed to be deserted. She turned around, wanting to leave, but her care-worker was gone. She desperately wanted to run away, but something about the house was pulling her in. Shivering, she took a step forward, unwittingly sealing her doom...
Lauren gingerly moved an inch closer to the stairs that dominated the hall of the house. The wooden floor was thick with dust beneath her, and the walls were covered in deep cuts and scratches. She moved closer toward the stairs, paying attention to the doors that surrounded her. She was halfway down the hall, when a sudden creak made her jump. She swiftly jumped in behind one of the doors and hid in the shadows.
The room she was in looked like the ruins of a kid’s playroom. There were no windows and the toys were lying caked in dust on the floor. A doll lay forlornly at her feet. She carefully picked it up, her thin cardigan covering her hand. She dropped it almost immediately. Both the doll’s eyes were gone and in their place were two gaping holes. Lauren gulped and kicked the doll away with her foot. A voice suddenly filled the room, “Hello. Please come out. We won’t hurt you!”
Lauren replayed the message several times in her head. She pondered her choices. Should she go out or should she stay in this small, drab room? The choice was obvious. Cautiously, she stepped out into the hall. She gasped. The wooden floor was no longer caked in dust and the walls were un-scratched. There were no cuts on the doors and sunlight was pouring through the windows. She stared around her uneasily, when a voice came from the stairs, “Hello there!” Lauren whipped round and glanced at the stairs. On one of the steps there was a woman, holding a toy microphone and grinning from ear to ear.

I'll post the 2nd part on Tuesday!  I hope you enjoyed it and remember - the more creative criticism the better! I really want to improve my writing further and the only way I can do that is by hearing what you think :) So comment, comment, comment!
See ya on Tuesday! <(^.^<)

1 comment:

Rose said...

loveloveLOVE it! why doesnt it make sense? its slightly confusing but it does make sense!! so far... loveyou (>^.^)>